


everything leads back to you

by tamamushigami



Series: FumaKen Week 2018 [5]
Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Early Mornings, I Don't Know Anymore, Kinda but not really, Lazy Mornings, M/M, Songfic, does this count as angst, how do you tag, mostly inspired, someone heal my heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 18:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13932564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamamushigami/pseuds/tamamushigami
Summary: "Look Fuma, the sun is rising."(Prompt: "Just know that I love you. I love you with all of my fucked up, piece of shit heart.")





	everything leads back to you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [h_itoshi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_itoshi/gifts).



> Had [All of the stars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkqVm5aiC28) on repeat while writing this. I was pretty much stumped on what to write for this prompt (but I only have two other prompt left now, and they were already taken HAHA so yeah, re-reading old fics helped me. 
> 
> (Also, help me. I'm emotional and idk if it's pms or not but-- yeah.)
> 
> Sorry if this is too off-prompt, but lol I didn't want to write it way too angsty (like I might have intended from the beginning when I first thought of it but I already wrote too much angst heh)

Mornings were never his thing, especially not Monday mornings. The worst time of the week. He could see the sun peeking through his blinds and even if the weathercast said it would be a nice day today, he didn’t feel like moving an inch from his bed. It was warm, soft and everything he wanted right now. Maybe not exactly everything, but most of it. He was curled up in a pastel purple blanket with butterflies on, the one he got one Christmas from everyone, and bed hair all over. It was going to be a good day, he tried to tell himself, but no. Mondays were always a pain, no matter which side he woke up on. His phone buzzed, demanding attention and Kento’s name flashed on the screen. He suppressed the growing irritating morning groan because Kento didn’t deserve a groan (he deserved moans).

 

"Mm," He didn’t care he was barely responding because he knew Kento would understand it anyway. He was good like that. It was also early as fuck.

"Ah, Fuma? You awake?"

"I wouldn't answer the phone if I wasn't, Nakajima."

"True, " Kento chuckled (how could he be so cheerful at, what? 5 am?) and Fuma could hear his clothes shuffle on the other line. "Are you back in Tokyo or...?"

"Yeah, I got back home last night." Fuma sighed, remembering the pain in the ass train ride last night, how his train seat had been so uncomfortable, power outlets not working and the parents who couldn’t soothe their crying child (usually he liked children, but not crying children late at night and with a headache incoming). He tried to cover himself with the blanket a bit more, feeling the cold air slowly wake him up. Not yet.

"Good! I'm on my way over to you, I figured your fridge might need a refill."

"Food, that’s good, yes, very good idea, I like that. How long?"

"About three minutes Fumatan, so get your ass up from the bed and put on some decent clothing before I arrive and take a shower."

 

Kento hung up before Fuma could retort, and this time he let out a groan. Effort. In the morning. Minus points. Nonetheless, he pushed himself out of his comfort zone. Before hitting the shower, he fished out some fresh underwear, that oversized T-shirt he got from Kento years ago and a pair of track pants from his still unpacked bag. Three minutes later, before he’d even stepped into the shower, he heard the front door open (did he regret giving Kento a key years ago? Maybe, maybe not) and a familiar voice filled the apartment. He'd missed it. So bad.

"Fuma! I'm here!"

After shouting back some intelligent words about a shower, Kento being stupidly on time, Fuma finished his shower quickly and changed into his clothes. Hair still damp, he walked to the kitchen where Kento was filling his fridge with food and beverage. He sat down at the table and waited for Kento to finish up. When he was done, Kento filled a glass with juice and took out a fresh sandwich for Fuma. He scrunched his nose at Fuma's hair, obviously upset he didn't dry it before coming down, but not really complaining. Just, it was dripping all over the table and floor. (Kento was the one who'd clean it up later... maybe.)

"How was your drama filming? Inspiring?" Kento smiled as he handed the sandwich to Fuma, pulling out a chair beside him.

"It was okay, a bit plain actually."

"How so?" Kento spread out on the table and looked at Fuma, interest shining in his eyes. He’d always been so adamant about hearing Fuma’s stories whenever he was away for work.

"We didn’t spend much time on the actual filming, maybe 10 minutes of footage? The rest of the time was spent for free time or the making documentary." Fuma sighed at the memories of the trip. “It’s not as if the cast isn’t good to me, it’s just.. a bit lonely? It’s not as fun as when we do group trips.”

"Is that so... But. at least you get a free trip!"

"I rather be home."

Kento smiled as he took the glass Fuma had finished, picking up the leftover paper from the sandwich, put the glass in the sink and threw the paper in the bin. Fuma laid his head on the table and sighed out loud.

"How long will you be in Tokyo?" He asked, as Kento stopped and fiddled with the old radio on the windowsill. The morning light was slowly making its way through the window, illuminating the kitchen with soft colors. He wanted this moment to last. He wanted them to go back to when they were less busy.  

"Maybe a week more or so, I'm not sure."

"What is it this time?” Fuma had been too busy with his own work to keep up with the rest of his bandmates, grimacing at himself for forgetting the others, feeling a bit guilty. At least he should have kept up with Kento’s. The other always managed to keep track of his, even better than Fuma himself sometimes.

"Drama promotion, drama filming and some stray magazine shoots while I’m out of Tokyo as well."

"I see." Fuma hummed and in the faint light of the sun, he could see Kento’s delicate lines on his face, revealing how tired the other really was.

"It's been a while since we saw each other, isn't it?" Kento turned his gaze to Fuma as he said that and a gentle, sad smile painted his lips. Fuma nodded silently and held the gaze. There were no hidden emotions behind the gazes, only the raw truth. Silent words flew between them, creating an inaudible discussion neither of them actually knew what it was about. It wasn't really important. It didn't hold any importance to what they wanted to tell the other.

"Look Fuma, the sun is rising."

 

Fuma rose from his chair and walked over to Kento by the window. He stood behind him as the older looked out of the window. The sun had slowly started to sneak up by the horizon and greeted the earth with its light presence.  A raspy sound broke the trance Fuma entered by watching the sunrise. Kento had turned on the radio and the sound slowly filled the kitchen.

"You really like that radio, don't you?" He chuckled as he watched Kento trace invisible lines on the radio with his elegant fingers.

"It holds old memories Fuma, of course I like it." Kento pouted as if the question had offended him on a personal level.

"You're weird," He smiled still, taking in Kento's profile again. He would never grow tired of looking at Kento. Never. He knew Kento wouldn't take his words to heart.

"I'm your weirdo."

 

Fuma raised a hand and ruffled Kento's hair, making the latter whine before he laughed. He really loved Kento's laugh. Every time he heard it, it filled the room they were in and his heart grew. If he wasn't so ridiculously in love with Kento already, he would fall for him again. Each and every time he laughed or smiled at him. It made him remember how they used to walk home late nights during their junior days, they weren't supposed to be out late, but they didn't care. Not back then. Streetlights illuminating their path as they walked, talking in hushed voices. They didn't know of love back then, not like they did now. Maybe they even loved back then. Years together made them strong. Stronger than anyone. Strong enough to conquer. They were each other's lights in life, decisions, and plans revolving around the other.       

"Do you remember..." Fuma trailed off as Kento’s fingers stilled on the radio. Not sure how to finish the question, but didn’t have to ponder about it long, as Kento finished it for him.

"Remember the time when I got you it the first time? Of course I do," Of course he remembered. Kento always remembered the important stuff.  

"It was when I moved in, right?"

"Yeah, and you couldn't for your life understand why you would need an old radio when you got the whole Internet." The light chuckle of Kento’s filled Fuma with a warmth, just like how the sunrise filled the world with its warmth.  

"I still find it unnecessary.”

“Yet you haven’t thrown it out.”

“It was a gift. You don’t throw away gifts.” Fuma huffed but smiled. Of course he wouldn’t throw it away. It was a gift from Kento after all. Everything from Kento was important.

 

Kento smiled and jumped up on the kitchen bench, bending down a little to match with Fuma’s height. He took in Fuma’s appearance carefully, taking internal notes about the small changes. The past months had indeed taken a toll on Fuma as well. His hair had gotten longer (he didn’t really bother to take care of it properly since their last single), face and body structure more prominent, but along with those changes, time and work left its scars. Aside from the dark circles under Fuma’s eyes, Kento could see the faint traces of wrinkles appearing at different places, maybe not all because of them all aging slowly. Their work did take a big toll on them, even if they loved it. Fuma still looked fit, even if Kento knew that neither of them really had time to keep up with any workout aside from what they got at the agency, even so, the traces of the firm and tough Fuma was starting to fade.

“You should take a break soon Fuma, you’re starting to disappear.”

“Says you.”

“You need to rest to function properly you know.”

“I still have more to achieve.”

Throughout the years, the fact that Fuma stubbornly did what he needed, and maybe a bit more than needed, had not changed. They all had the same goal, to make Sexy Zone the best. To make each of their names echo through the world. Each of them had their own goals to achieve and Fuma knew he’d only achieved a few of them. He had a long way to go still. He also knew Kento wasn’t content either with his achievements. They were thankful for what they’d done, what they’d become, but their need to become _more_ fueled them both.

“I do miss you, you know?”

“I know.”

Kento fiddled with the hem of Fuma’s shirt and put his head on his shoulder. Fuma leaned into the warmth that was Kento and buried his nose into the brown mess of hair as he intertwined one of his hands with one of Kento’s. His soft breathing soon matching with Kento's, just like they always did. He was happy. Even if they both worked their asses off. Even if it meant less time with each other. The time apart didn't make their time together less important.

 

He listened to Kento's steady heartbeat and remembered. How they used to sneak up to the hotel roof, those nights when they were out on tour, their younger members fast asleep already. How they used to lie there, hand in hand, listening to how the world kept going around them, while they just looked at each other. How the rest of the world didn't matter. They had shared their first kiss at one of those roofs. They can't remember which or when, because a lot of firsts happened at the same time. It never felt like it was a first between them.

All their memories together were precious. Even the bad ones. They had fought - just like every couple does, and they'd made up. He remembered one time especially. The time when they'd doubted each other, and only been sure of their own feelings. It hadn't lasted long, but it had hurt deep, but they had grown stronger from it.

_"Just know that I love you. I love you with all of my fucked up, piece of shit heart." He whispered into the cold air, back in December. He wasn't sure if Kento even listened to him, but his back wasn't turned to him anymore. It had been their biggest fight yet and they didn't even know what it was about it. He wasn't the best at words. Not in these situations. Lyrics were another thing, he could write those a thousand time over and still be unable to form the words Kento needed to hear the most. He had to get better. For both of them. He let go of his pride as he spoke and soon, Kento was back in his arms._

 

“It’s been a while indeed…” He breathed, tickling Kento on his nape. He held Kento's hand tighter. _Home._

“Only a few more months left for you, right?”

Fuma made a sound of approval at the question, breathing in Kento’s scent, calming his nerves a bit.

“And after that?”

 

Fuma sighed softly into Kento’s hair and squeezed his hand a bit harder. The choices after were always the hardest. The most important ones as well. No one really knew what would happen to their schedules, what kind of work they’d be thrown into. Lately, they’d been both been busy with their respective dramas, promotions, and interviews. Group activities had been less, but they knew they’d be busy soon as they were planned to make the theme song for one of the dramas they were starring in. This project would allow him to be free for at least a month (aside from group activities), and it would also be groundbreaking for his personal career. That’s why he wanted to put the extra effort into making this as successful as he could, even if it might damage his health slightly. He knew Kento knew how much work and effort he had put into this. Even if the older male complained about Fuma working too hard for his own good, Kento knew that it’d be worth it. That Fuma’s efforts would be worth everything. The nagging feeling telling him to take care of Fuma did not subside, even if he knew that he couldn’t do much more than be there for Fuma. That Fuma was there for him as well. _Home._

The only thing Fuma actually regretted (he loved his work, he really did) was that he had to leave Kento behind to achieve it. That was something he was reluctant to do, he had been unsure if this really was the right path for him. If putting his personal goals upfront was really worth it. However, Kento had walked up to him shortly after Fuma had been requested for the drama role, sensing the other’s inner turmoil, and told him proudly (with slight hesitation) that no matter what, Fuma’s decision would be the right. He would be there for Fuma, regardless of his choices, support him through thick and thin. Kento’s words had helped him choose, helped him take the small step towards his own goals. Just like him, Kento had felt reluctant to leave him as well, even if they all knew Kento was the one who always got jobs, always traveling away from Tokyo for work. That was nothing new, but Kento had admitted he always felt afraid to leave them, to leave Fuma, behind. That it felt like he was giving them up. Fuma had told him that he would never do that. That they had never felt like that. They had a small argument about the matter but ended up with the conclusion that they both had been insecure about everything, despite years of working together, and that they would never leave anything in the dark with each other again. They’d be each other's shoulder to cry on, the light to guide them, and hand to hold.

 

“After that, I’ll be by your side.”

“So cheesy Fuma.”

“Not as cheesy as you or the love songs on the radio.”

“Almost.”

 

He drew back, looking Kento in the eyes and kissed his forehead. They knew. They both knew that despite their busy schedules, despite their absence of each other, they were connected. They knew that if they looked out of the closest window, the other would do the same. No matter where they were. They knew the way to happiness would hurt, it didn't matter. They had each other. Short phone calls before they fell asleep at different locations or just a quick message made them smile. Made their hearts slow down. Made the wait worth it. They always found their way back to each other.Kento chuckled, embraced Fuma gently, and Fuma moved one hand to Kento’s lower back, holding him steady, and the other hand playing with the soft strands of Kento’s hair. He nuzzled into Kento’s neck, letting himself drown in the feeling of Kento’s hands roaming over his back. They’d been away from each other far too long. He pressed soft kisses down Kento’s neck, breathing in his scent, indulging himself with the taste of his partner. The soft hum of Kento vibrated on his lips. Kento slowly drew a line along Fuma’s spine, all the way from his tailbone up to his neck. Kento brought his hands to cup his face, bringing him up to tenderly kiss him on the lips. There had been no fireworks of feelings between them, never been, it was as if they had always known. No big revelations, just acceptance.

The tender kiss broke when Fuma nibbled on Kento's lower lip, gently demanding more. Kento breathed into the kiss as he let Fuma in, slowly caressing the younger's tongue with his own. He could feel Kento hook his legs around his waist, bringing them closer to each other. His knees bumped against the cupboard, but he didn't care. The sunlight illuminated Kento's form as they broke apart, making the older look ethereal. He brushed away the strands of hair that fell into Kento's eyes and he smiled, so brightly the sun behind Kento was put to shame. Kento blinked before he understood.

_I love you so much._

 

The radio continued to play its cheesy love songs, filling the atmosphere with a feeling of home while the sun rays crept into the kitchen window, illuminating the two with its golden light, reflecting the matching silver bands on their fingers, blessing them with another day to come.


End file.
